Stalker Express
by BrokenBlackCat
Summary: AU. Alice has neither one nor two nor three stalkers. Actually, she has a lot that she lost count. Starting from the normal stranger to the psychotic stalker. And did I mention she is well-aware and well-informed and even friends with them?


_A/N: This is in the modern days and there are no guns being pointed and people reviving by clocks, ok? Forgive the OOCness and enjoy~!_

* * *

Alice walked to the roads towards her home and sighed heavily.

"Ah! Whatever is my lovely Alice sighing about for?"

A voice from somewhere behind her shouted in worry and adoration and it took everything Alice had to calm herself.

"Jeez. At least try to be secretive and unnoticed." she muttered to herself and frowned.

There was a visible tick on her head, indicating that she was nearing her patience.

"Hey, Alice!"

Another voice, now in front of her and very much foreseeable who the owner was, rang to her ears and the female just knew there was another tick on her head.

"Not another one." Alice sighed in annoyance and stared at the owner of the second voice blankly. "Boris. What a surprise." she greeted politely with a slight bow.

And yes, she could faintly hear a possessive hiss from her background.

Boris raised an eyebrow, seemingly able to hear the hiss but said nothing, only smirking like a Cheshire Cat to Alice.

"Come on! At least show you're happy to see me!" he stated rather teasingly.

"Sorry but I don't want to lie." Alice deadpanned almost like this was a normal occurrence.

"Heh. You never change, Alice!" Boris laughed at that. "And I like that." he added softly.

Alice raised an eyebrow but before, someone came flying in between them. Literally.

"Stay away from my Alice, you germ!" a man shouted, hugging the impassive young lady tightly.

Alice could only sigh while Boris glared at the new company.

"Peter, could you let go?" she asked yet again politely with a long sigh. "I'm going to lost my breath."

Almost immediately, Peter let go and shower her with questions, "Are you okay, my love? Do you need to be sent to the hospital? Would you like me to give you some air?"

And of course, with a very straight face, Alice answered sarcastically, "Oh, yes, I'm very much okay. And do I look like I like hospital? And get to the point, that so did not sound perverted."

"And why are you stalking Alice, neat-freak?!" Boris added angrily, pointing to Peter who glared at him.

Alice bit her lips, trying not to comment something like "Aren't you also stalking me?" to young man.

"I am merely following my beloved to ensure her safety." Peter answered smugly.

Alice rolled her eyes.

"Following...stalking...they're all the same." she muttered to herself.

Anyone curious?

Well, technically this was a daily routine for Alice.

And yes, she was well-informed and well-aware and even friends with her stalkers.

And no, she didn't have one nor two nor three stalkers. Actually, she lost count after it had hit at the number of 20 or something.

And the types were different too, starting from normal stalker to extremely psychotic stalker.

Anyway, Alice walked away from the scene as soon as she realized her two stalkers were in a heated glaring competition that might turned into a deadly fight she clearly did not want to get involve into.

She then sighed in exhaustion.

"And it's not even past eight in the morning." Alice muttered, not looking where she was going or if she's going to bump someone.

**Bam!**

Like now.

Alice stared at the sight of a t-shirt in front and moved her eyes upward to stare at displeased crimson eyes.

"..."

No one said anything. Alice was stepping backward with no intention of apologizing if the other was not going to apologize.

"It's not good to not apologize if you bump into someone, young miss." the young man, a year older than her, stated with a smile though the young lady could see it's fake.

Alice merely looked at him with disinterest.

"It's only proper for a gentleman to apologize to a lady, isn't it?" she asked with false politeness.

The male looked taken about before a dark smirk surfaced in his face.

"You're very interesting, young miss." he said with cockiness, knowing any woman would fall for flattery.

Alice only yawned. No blush, no stutter, no averting eyes. Just yawn.

"Look, I'm sorry for bumping into you." she started boredly with a roll of eyes. "But I have some places to be that's far more important."

"Far important?" the man asked no one with an amused chuckle. "I have you know I am Blood –"

"The crown prince? Mafia boss? Earl? Leader of some yakuza? CEO?" Alice interrupted bluntly. "Sorry, I met and was acquaintance with some already."

Blood was quiet before the smirk on his face widened.

"You mean you're the infamous whore, Alice?" he asked mockingly.

Alice stared at him blank before speaking out, "You know Black Joker."

She signed, not waiting for the reply and walked away.

"Bye then!" Alice shouted with a wave.

...

"Yo!"

Alice winched at the familiar tone. Oh, she could take any stalker and even that Blood person anytime than this person. Though, this guy was also her stalker.

"Hey... Ace." she greeted politely for the purpose of being polite.

Ace smirked an all too wide smirk that made the female want nothing more than to go home and sleep in her bed.

"Teach says I need a tutor for English and I remember you're the best in English so can you be my tutor?" he asked friendly.

Alice would have glared, really. This guy wasn't in her classroom and she wasn't that famous even with being the best so how in the world could the young man know?

She settled with a sigh. Oh, right. Ace was her stalker, too.

"Fine." Alice agreed to be the said unlucky tutor.

"Okay! 3 o'clock in the afternoon at the library. It's a study date!" Ace shouted loudly and ran away before the female could react.

"Did you heard about the rumors?"

"They say our wonderful idol, Ace, is dating the plain nerd, Alice!"

"The nerve of that girl!"

Alice groaned. She wanted her normal life back!

...

"La la la~! Why am I always hit on by the boys I never like~ I could always see them coming from the left or from the right~ I don't want to be a priss~ I'm just trying to be polite~ But it always seems to bite me in the~!"

Alice slightly blushed from embarrassment at the attention she got from her ringtone.

"Um, teacher, can I go answer my call?" she asked politely and went to outside the room when she got a nod.

Alice looked at the caller's name in her cellphone and sighed in irritation when it showed a name like "Nightmare".

"What the hell, Nightmare?" she shouted angrily as soon as she had hit the answer button.

"Sorry, I know you told me not to call you at this time of day but this is very important." the voice on the other line was obliviously a male who seemed to be sick.

"So? Get to the point." Alice demanded, tapping her point in impatience.

"What should I eat for snacks?"

The only answer Nightmare got was a deadly silence.

Alice could just go to where the other was and kill him. Or just bang her head to the wall. Or even fall anime-style.

Instead, she slapped herself with her empty hand and ended the call.

"How I become friends with someone like him I will never know and he's even my stalker." she said to herself, sighing.

Alice then blinked as she felt a vibration on her phone and picked it up again.

"First, Nightmare and now, Gray?" she said with an eyebrow raised. **"Roses are red and the rest can be buried to death. Do you have other information about Vivaldi? –Gray."** Alice read aloud with amusement.

"Hmph. It doesn't even rhyme." she mused. "Ah, but it seems like Gray still have a crush for Vivaldi and now, I got a new stalker who is also stalking my other stalker. Great. Just great."

She then looked at her phone again at the sensation of a new vibration.

Finished reading, Alice banged her head to the wall. Literary.

"Dammit! Anyone but them!"

On her phone, a message from an unknown number stated:

**It seemed like you're far more interesting than you credit if even my brother is interested. This is White Joker. You remember the missing prince and his twin, Black Joker, the most powerful mafia boss, right? We'll be seeing you soon.**

...

"I'm home, Julius." Alice called out to her roommate. How she ended up with a male roommate, she never knew.

Julius merely nodded in greeting though he did glared at her room.

Alice raised an eyebrow before she realized something and sighed.

"Sorry, Julius." she said sheepishly and offered a weak smile which was returned with a displeased frown.

"You need to have a serious talk with your stalkers." Julius said simply and firmly.

"What did they do now?" Alice asked with a long sigh again.

"Elliot is sending out far dangerous objects. Gowland is sending out roses. Crysta is sending threats. Pierce is leaving smelly food. Vivaldi is giving dresses she expect you to wear. Sydney is complaining about you. Jericho is giving out chocolates with romantic note." Julius noted and then glared at her room again. "And the Twins Dee and Dum are sleeping in your room."

Alice blinked at that.

"I get the first seven but why also include Dee and Dum?" she asked curiously. "They're just children."

"Go see your bed." Julius said coolly.

And Alice did as told and gasped.

There in her bed were Dee and Dum alright but they were holding something on their chest with contentment.

"But they're –"

"Perverted and not innocent children." Julius finished.

Alice stared at the twins and then to her underwears that were currently being held by them.

"I wish that sometimes you are not correct, Julius." she stated after a minute.

Julius just snorted.

Well, it seemed like this was just another normal day for Alice, nee?

* * *

_A/N: Weird... This is supposed to be a one-shot but ah well... Not something like a prologue._


End file.
